We constrain the average episodic quasar lifetime (as in steady-state accretion) using two statistics of quasars that are recently turned off (i.e., dimmed by a large factor): 1) the fraction of turned-off quasars in a statistical sample photometrically observed over an extended period (e.g., $Delta t=20$ yrs); 2) the fraction of massive galaxies that show orphan broad MgII emission, argued to be short-lived echoes of recently turned-off quasars. The two statistics constrain the average episodic quasar lifetime to be hundreds to thousands of years. Much longer (or shorter) episodic lifetimes are strongly disfavored by these observations. This average episodic lifetime is broadly consistent with the infall timescale (viscous time) in the standard accretion disk model for quasars, suggesting that quasar episodes are governed by accretion disk physics rather than by the gas supply on much larger scales. Compared with the cumulative quasar lifetime of $sim 10^6-10^8,$yrs constrained from quasar clustering and massive black hole demographics, our results suggest that there are $sim 10^3-10^5$ episodes of quasar accretion during the assembly history of the supermassive black hole. Such short episodes should be clustered over intervals of $sim 10^4,$yrs to account for the sizes of ionized narrow-line regions in quasars. Our statistical argument also dictates that there will always be a small fraction of extreme variability quasars caught in state transitions over multi-year observing windows, despite the much longer episodic lifetime. These transitions could occur in a rather abrupt fashion during non-steady accretion.