The mass and distance functions of free-floating planets (FFPs) would give major insights into the formation and evolution of planetary systems, including any systematic differences between those in the disk and bulge. We show that the only way to measure the mass and distance of individual FFPs over a broad range of distances is to observe them simultaneously from two observatories separated by $Dsim {cal O}(0.01,AU)$ (to measure their microlens parallax $pi_{rm E}$) and to focus on the finite-source point-lens (FSPL) events (which yield the Einstein radius $theta_{rm E}$). By combining the existing KMTNet 3-telescope observatory with a 0.3m $4,{rm deg}^2$ telescope at L2, of order 130 such measurements could be made over four years, down to about $Msim 6,M_oplus$ for bulge FFPs and $Msim 0.7,M_oplus$ for disk FFPs. The same experiment would return masses and distances for many bound planetary systems. A more ambitious experiment, with two 0.5m satellites (one at L2 and the other nearer Earth) and similar camera layout but in the infrared, could measure masses and distances of sub-Moon mass objects, and thereby probe (and distinguish between) genuine sub-Moon FFPs and sub-Moon ``dwarf planets in exo-Kuiper Belts and exo-Oort Clouds.