We present a general theory for calculating the damping rate of elementary density wave excitations in a Bose-Einstein condensate strongly coupled to a single radiation field mode of an optical cavity. Thereby we give a detailed derivation of the huge resonant enhancement in the Beliaev damping of a density wave mode, predicted recently by Konya et al., Phys.~Rev.~A 89, 051601(R) (2014). The given density-wave mode constitutes the polariton-like soft mode of the self-organization phase transition. The resonant enhancement takes place, both in the normal and ordered phases, outside the critical region. We show that the large damping rate is accompanied by a significant frequency shift of this polariton mode. Going beyond the Born-Markov approximation and determining the poles of the retarded Greens function of the polariton, we reveal a strong coupling between the polariton and a collective mode in the phonon bath formed by the other density wave modes.