The nature of the stereochemically active lone pair has long been in debate. Here, by application of our recently developed orbital selective external potential (OSEP) method, we have studied the microscopic mechanism of stereochemically active lone pairs in various compounds. The OSEP method allows us to shift the energy level of specific atomic orbital, therefore is helpful to identify unambiguously the role of this orbital to the chemical and physical properties of the system we are interested in. Our numerical results, with compelling proofs, demonstrate that the on-site mixing of cation valence s orbital with the nominally empty p orbitals of the same subshell is crucial to the formation of lone pair, whereas the anion p orbital has only small effect. Our detailed investigation of Sn and Pb monochalcogenides show that structures of these systems have significant effects on lone pairs. In return, the formation of lone pair, which can be controlled by our OSEP method, could result in structural instabilities of Sn and Pb monochalcogenides.