We propose a new framework for simulating $text{U}(k)$ Yang-Mills theory on a universal quantum computer. This construction uses the orbifold lattice formulation proposed by Kaplan, Katz, and Unsal, who originally applied it to supersymmetric gauge theories. Our proposed approach yields a novel perspective on quantum simulation of quantum field theories, carrying certain advantages over the usual Kogut-Susskind formulation. We discuss the application of our constructions to computing static properties and real-time dynamics of Yang-Mills theories, from glueball measurements to AdS/CFT, making use of a variety of quantum information techniques including qubitization, quantum signal processing, Jordan-Lee-Preskill bounds, and shadow tomography. The generalizations to certain supersymmetric Yang-Mills theories appear to be straightforward, providing a path towards the quantum simulation of quantum gravity via holographic duality.