Just a few decades after the discovery of the Charon Relay, and the ensuing First Contact War, relatively little is known about the population of planets linked by the Prothean mass relays. Understanding the nature of these systems and how they may differ from the broader population of planetary systems in our galaxy is key to both continued human habitation across the broader Galaxy, as well as to our understanding of the Prothean civilization. What factors motivated their choices of planetary systems? Characterizing these systems allows us to peer into Prothean society and culture, and make inferences about the preferences that drove their expansion throughout the Galaxy. In this study, we undertake a broad analysis of the systems recorded in the Systems Alliance Planetary Survey, examining their dynamical stability, orbital properties, and the climates of the inhabited worlds. We find that the Alliance data is inconsistent with both a modern understanding of planetary system dynamics, as well as with our understanding of Earth-like climate dynamics. We suggest this is due in part to security-related data obfuscation by the Alliance, and in part due to the real preferences of the Protheans.